It has replayed a billion times in my head that I can't not think about it.
I imagined myself getting my money from the banks, withdrawing every last cent, putting them all in an envelope. I saw myself sealing the flap, signing the back of the envelope with the words, "To your strength that I shall never have, I'm sorry." I wrote my mother's name.
I remember removing the password to my laptops and the security check in my phone. I took a piece of paper and wrote to my brother: "in case that this is needed, I entrust this to you." And wrote all my emails and passwords there.
I remember writing letters for those I "respect" - I forgot what I should've felt towards people that I must have "held dear".
I went out to buy pizza and ice cream, for who does not love pizza and ice cream.
I went to the 9th floor.
The window was there as it should be Nobody closes that window. It's open, inviting every uninvited guest. There were no people around. It was 5PM. Half of the people have gone home, half burrowed in their work to be bothered. It was the perfect sight.
Then I remembered when I jumped off a cliff. The adrenaline and the heightened awareness of falling. There was no support. I was free. I was flying. Until I hit water.
I removed my shoes and went for the window.
I see nothing after that.
Manage Your Items