For someone who isn't religious I swear I have an angel over my back. Cigarette smoke, teary eyes, a broken heart, and scars that burn with every tear shed. I had given up, the part 2 of my "16 and on" chapter of my life which mind you is a good collection of about three years my life. Right after the issues with my parents splitting up and my dad f*cking us over, I was trying to find myself in the hearts of men who did not want me for mine but me for my body. Countless men, countless nights. Swipe left, swipe right, Swipe up, Swipe down who the f*ck cares. At this point I'm exhausted and it's freezing. I'm depressed and so alone with all these people around me. No one knows what i'm doing, how i'm doing, what i'm thinking or the emotions i'm feeling. Dinner with this guy one night, snorting Cocaine off another guy's lap top another night. Rag dolling myself to any man that would come take my mind off the pain even just for a little while. My body became useless to me but not to them. I disassociated sex and pleasure and after awhile just became numb to the actions. I hated myself, that ugly b*tch. I talked with a man i forgot on what social media... either facebook or some dating app i had installed on my cell phone, i remember this man because he woke me up. i'll truthfully will never forget what this man said and did to me. Dirty talking and other flirtatious conversation was going on you know, just happening and then it came to what we wanted out of it. I said something along the lines like i wanted a relationship and when he started to back out i promised i would hold feelings back and that i just wanted to f*ck like i was just trying to please him and basically made myself a doormat for him. He stopped me right in m tracks and said i shouldnt degrade myself. i shouldnt just please people to try to keep them. that i deserve the best and to be happy. I cleaned up my act and stopped hooking up like crazy and started loving myself more. I started caring about myself more, i'm not just some f*ck doll. I am Sabrina. I have worth. Love it or leave it, i'm a new person and I refuse to sink again. Thank you kind person. I will forever be so thankful for you turning my life around. For teaching me how to love myself again. I love you. I don't care where you are I f*cking love you and only hope you get the best in life. I hope you're living the happiest, healthiest life. I hope you're in the best place. I will never forget you kind stranger. I will never forget what you taught me. You hold a special place in the heart you help heal. Thank you.
· Wed Dec 06, 2017 @ 04:05am · 0 Comments