f*ck me, it's been two years huh?
Life is something else, it's crazy the things that feel like they're the whole world you end up being nothing one day. Things just fall off sometimes, or we grow up, move on, give up or just whatever the case is I guess. We don't have to be happy with the way things end up, we just have to accept them. I guess I'm somewhere around acceptance, as long as that took me (but hey, I'm a procrastinator by nature).
I've ended up where I never thought I would, not that it's a bad thing by any means. I'm finally going back to college this month, I'm getting a bachelor's in software engineering (Famous procrastination again). I've got a good resume with lots of experience. I've done really amazing things I never dreamed of growing up.
Really when I was younger I only dreamed of love and contentedness. I didn't aspire to financial wealth, or fame. I only wanted to do good enough to provide for me and the one I loved and live a comfortable life. I wanted to be married and cozy, nothing more. Now I'm a ball of ambition, I want to be financially successful, I want to travel the world and learn languages, I want to be in media, entertainment. There's a discussion to be had about "filling the void" but who cares really. I've spent more than enough time analyzing my motivations and desires. Introspection is a talent and a gift, but you also have to know where to draw the line. I think I wasted a lot of time, and I ended up "trying" to be myself. As in "who am I, and how would I normally act in this situation?", which of course is a super unusual question to ask yourself.
So I've started letting go of things and started to just do instead of think, plan, and analyze (nevermind the hypocrisy of this journal entry). I ended up burning just about every bridge I ever built and wasted years trying to rebuild them.
Anyway I guess I don't really have any point to make, it's just been a long time and I started to ramble. It's time to take another shot at just living.