Things have been quiet lately for what it's been.
Stressful, but quiet.
Meaning it's not as stressful as it was a while ago.
To get away, I'm staying with my brother and his wife for a few days over my spring break.
Spring break is ending soon and that makes me very sad.
It's okay though because I don't have much time left in this school year.
Which scares me for two (possibly three,) reasons.
The first being I might fail this year due to my shitty grades. Sorry, Mom.
The second reason is, it's a year closer to high school and in high school, my best friend, Ady is moving out of state and that worries me because Ady has protected me a lot and I don't know what Erin and I will do without her but I understand why she wants to leave this hick hole.
The third possible reason is, if I fail, I won't get my freshman year with Lizzie, Lalah, and Makalah. I don't think I will, though because I raised my mandatory grades to an A and a low B.
I still haven't heard anything about my dad and whether what my grandmother's preacher told us is true or not has yet to be confirmed. I miss him and I don't know why I want to know where he is because he'll be gone either way. He'll either still be on the run or have life in prison. I'll still have to miss him.
I don't want to go into detail on that because my mother wouldn't like that. She gets stressed and because of the unexpected trip to North Carolina for her aunt's funeral is gonna make that even worse. My therapists are no help.
I don't see why my teachers feel the need to inform my therapists every time I have a "meltdown" and leave class crying. They don't get that although I have a trauma therapist to help, it makes my life a little tougher when they tell them. They tell my mom and I get home and usually the conversation goes like this.
"Why were you crying in school today?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You were crying. Don't lie to me. Why?"
"Mom, I'm fine."
"Tell. Me. Now."
"FINE. I had a bit of an anxiety attack today. It was nothing."
"Willow, we talked about this more than once!"
"So? I can't bottle things up all the time!"
"No, but you sure as hell can wait until you get home!"
"You don't know what I'm going through! Your dad was never missing for months at a time!"
"Willow, I'm not telling you how to feel, I'm telling you to stop using Travis as a way to get attention!!"
"I told you last time! This is exactly what you do! You get stressed out over dumb s**t all day and then I get home and you take it all out on me because I'm his offspring!"
"I. Do. Not."
"Whatever. I don't wanna argue."
"Neither do I , but-"
"Then don't argue with me, then, Mom."
Then I take an hour-long nap and a 2-3 hour long bath and I go upstairs and apologize and she apologizes too and then we don't really talk for the rest of the week and then we have a good week the next week, but the week after that it starts again.
Stay sad but not too sad, friends.
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